What does it mean when the guy you are with introduces you to his buddies as “my friend”?  As is “this is my friend so and so”, nice to meet you… On top of that the guy only shows public displays of affection (i.e. hand  holding/ kissing) when his buddies are not around.  Is this a sign that you are in the “booty call” category?

Dear Tara,

Well, it seems to me that there is only one reason why someone would do this, with several variations. What’s the reason?

He wants to make sure that SOMEBODY doesn’t get the wrong idea.

Clearly. Now, the question is, who is that “somebody” in this case, and what’s the “wrong” idea? Could it be that he doesn’t want…

• …you to think you’re dating, or get used to that idea.
• …his buddies to know you’re together because he doesn’t like you that much.
• …his buddies to know that he DOES like you that much.
• …to overstep the bounds of your relationship by calling you “girlfriend” if he doesn’t know if YOU want to be called that.

Well, that or he has a medical issue where if he says the word ‘girlfriend’ he poops himself. There’s always that to consider.

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PDA…BUT NOT IN FRONT OF THE BOYS

That’s an interesting clue, there. I mean, he clearly likes being affectionate with you. So why wouldn’t he want them to see that?Well it depends if he likes you or not.

If he likes you…sigh…guys have this thing about admitting how they feel in front of their pals and their families. It can be incredibly annoying, and we will often avoid it  like the plague. You’re going to get crap for it, you know it, and so you don’t want to actually tell them anything until…well, until it’s unavoidable. Right around, “Do you take this woman…” if at all possible.

And if he DOESN’T really like you, well, you certainly don’t want to introduce your booty call to your pals and call her girlfriend, and then spend the next two weeks on the phone going, “Dude, no, I just CALLED her that.”

And again, there’s the possibility that he’s not sure how much YOU like HIM, and he doesn’t want to just make that call right there in front of his pals and have you say, “Girlfriend? What the hell are you talking about? I’m his FRIEND, everybody, ok?”

SO….IT COULD BE ANYTHING?

Yeah, I’m sorry, but we just don’t know enough. But here’s how to tell. Don’t go batshit crazy and yell about it. Won’t get you anywhere. Make a joke about it. Next time you’re alone with him after one of those introductions, make a joke about how, “So, er, ‘friend’ huh? You, uh, trying to tell me something there, or what?”

Now, am I saying that this conversation will go well? Who knows? But you’ll know where you stand. Until you know more about his motives, I’m afraid you’re just not going to know. The good news, Tara, is that you’re not going to drive him away like this. If this drives him away, he was already away. That’s how you’ll know that it WAS a booty call. Not the worst thing to know about for sure, you know?

Ever introduced as a friend, pal, or buddy? How did it play out?