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Why Did the Ex Want Her at that Wedding?

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Why Did the Ex Want Her at that Wedding?

Posted by Ann on July 8, 2020

So, Confused gets an invitation to this guy’s wedding — a guy she barely knew, but who is bestie-best pals with her ex. She shows up at the wedding, and lo and behold, there’s the ex. With a new girlfriend. Fiance, actually. What happened here? Her friends have a couple of opposing theories. I’ll weigh in and decide the winner. Because hey, it’s my website, and I get to judge stuff. It’s right there in the Manslations charter, look it up.

I never talked with him for months after his sister annoyed me about another girl issue. Last week, his best friend that I barely knew and I’ve met only once came to my office asking politely to attend his own wedding.

Ok, one eyebrow raised so far. Getting a weird invitation from someone you’re not even close to. (Liz and I are inviting, like, seven and a half people to ours, so I really can’t relate to this, “Everybody! Come look at me get dressed up!” thing. But I am, you know, a guy.)

Other friends were invited by e-mails and air mails, but the last invitation card was for me. The groom was making sure about my presence. I went there and found this guy attend the wedding with another new girlfriend.They’re going to get married in three months.

Ah. Well. That must have made for some comfy small talk around the buffet line.

So what’s the point of the invitation? I feel both the guy and his best friend were making sure I see this girl because I didn’t decline invitation brought by a groom himself. My friend theorizes that this guy only wants to maintain good friendship with me. Other friend theorizes that this guy is making sure that I know his current status. Whatever the theory is, i feel being played. I need a manslation. Thank you in advance for giving one:-)

Dear Confused,

I can’t be 100% sure what the groom’s (your ex’s pal) motives were here, mostly because I’m not totally sure about your relationship with your actual Ex. This definitely does seem to point to some kind of a plan engineered by your ex-boy, but it’s hard to tell exactly what’s going on. Let’s take a look at your friend’s theories, because they seem about right:


I suppose that this one is possible if the following things are true:

  • Your ex bears you no ill will.
  • He maybe feels a little guilty about the lack of contact between you.
  • He feels like you must know about his impending nuptials, but doesn’t have the balls to tell you.
  • He is a moron, and doesn’t realize that springing this information on you in public might just sting a little.

Now, I’m sure all of those things have occurred in one dude before. Not often, though. Let’s look at the other theory.


This one is possible if:

  • The ex is insecure, and
  • His friend is kind of a jerk, or at least weak-willed enough to go along with the plan.
  • …uh…no, that’s pretty much it.

Yeah, there’s not much of a list necessary to make this one plausible. If he felt, for some reason, slighted by you, and was already insecure? Sure, totally possible.


Given the option between your two friends’ theories, I’d tend to believe the latter. I’d guess that your ex wanted you to see him with this girl. I don’t know enough about him to know why, exactly. Was it to rub your nose in it, like, “See? See how happy I am with someone who isn’t YOU!?” Could be.

I can’t really tell because I don’t know what relations were like between you two after your breakup. You’ll know better than I will WHY he was doing this. But it seems like a pretty safe bet that this whole thing only happened because he wanted to show you he was with someone else. And if there’s any reason you might think he’d do it to punish you? Well, sadly, it seems the most likely.

Thanks for the question, Confused.

Just being friendly, or is he being a passive aggressive tool? Your thoughts?

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