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Where Da Hoes At?

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Where Da Hoes At?

Posted by Ann on November 9, 2021

Outside grilling with Misha. Cinco de Mayo. You know I'm drunk as ever. I throw a high-pitched, kicked in the nuts, voice at a girl walking by...

Me: "Sup white girl!"

Misha and I start laughing as she walks by, trying to ignore me. Another high-pitched, kicked in the nuts, voice...

Me: "Sup slut!!"

Hahahahaa. You know she's feeling awkward as ever. Have fun. Be ridiculous. It's all we do.

A girl comes walking up to Misha's porch. Who is she? No idea. I keep quiet. Get a feel for her. Apparently, she lives right across the street and never goes out, but she's going to Out R Inn tonight--exactly where we are going.

You know I'm already planning on sleeping with her. I can't quite put my thumb on it, but I know when a woman is attracted to me. Flattybun's returns...


Who the fuck is that guy flying into a parking spot like a raging alcoholic?

Misha: "That's Fluffy (that's literally what he goes by) and he's just like you, a complete asshole."

The first thing he says?

Fluffy: "Flattybuns, I'll give you a hundred bucks to let me walk you down High Street with a leash on all fours."

I like this guy already, and as soon as she does it, I'm taking a picture and putting it on Facebook.

Out R Inn. The girl from earlier runs into Misha and I. Misha starts talking to her. I sit down and mind my business. She looks over at me...

Her: "You think you're so hot."

Pfft. I didn't say it. She did. And then? I have one of my idiot moments. Every guy knows that when a girl says something like that, you stay and talk to the girl. But what do I do? Try to be the good Samaritan and go help the Brown Guy with four drinks he's trying to bring back for the four of us.

When I get back? She's gone. I forgot to take into account that earlier in the day, she said she was only staying out until about midnight, since it is a Monday today. Oh well.

I then run into a girl I picked up a few years ago...

Sickley: "Omari, are all of those stories about you and those women true? A lot of that stuff you do is crazy."

Me: "I picked you up, didn't I?"

Sickley: "Oh please, Omari. I picked you up."

Whatever she says.

Back to get another drink. Standing with another guy. A black girl in front of me. I direct my high-pitched voice towards her...

Me: "Sup white girl."

The guy next to me starts laughing as I keep saying it to get her attention...

Me: "Look, she has a mullet! Business in the front! Party in the back!"

And we start laughing right behind her. God, I can be a complete dick sometimes.

Misha is now in front of me. A white girl next to me. I keep poking Misha to get his attention, and when he turns around, I ignore him and then point at the girl. She starts laughing...

Girl: "It wasn't me!"

I then notice that she's holding two mugs and two one dollar bills. It's dollar mug refill night. There's a black guy standing behind me, and you know I don't care. I look at the white girl again...

Me: "Don't be cheap, you better tip!"

Girl: "These are for my friends!"

Me: "Look at you, you're just like a black person in a restaurant!"

And she erupts in laughter. The black guy behind me isn't so amused. Who cares? Lighten up.

Time to go. We all meet up with Zenfox and two of Fluffy's girls on the way to our next bar. He's already fucked both of 'em. Inside our next bar. Too's, I believe it's called. I just prance around being merry and talking to everyone. Why is everyone I came with walking out?

Outside. I see a guy in Misha's face. I turn into Mr. Hotshot and walk in the guy's face...

Me: "Is there a problem?"

Misha: "No, no problem. It's OK."

OK to have a guy in your face? Huh? I would later find out that the guy was a bouncer and they had to leave because we walked into a private party. They really should hire bigger bouncers.

I then start teasing one of the girls, being a complete sarcastic jackass. Inside Panini's...

Her: "You and I are going to have words later."

I grin. I know what that means. Fluffy then takes them and heads out back with Misha, while Zenfox and I start talking to two girls. This is going to be so easy. Misha returns. And drunk Zenfox wondering where Fluffy and the two girls are, right in front of the two girls we're talk to, he says...

Zenfox: "WHERE DA HOES AT!?"

I immediately burst out in laughter and the girls immediately walk away. This is quite possibly the single funniest drunken "what the fuck" moment I have ever encountered. Caught me completely off guard. Couldn't help but laugh.

Bento's. I walk in. Two white girls lookin' like two Master P. No Limit Soldiers with bandanna's around their heads, start talking to me. One of 'em even tries to show me a Crip handshake. One, these girls look like they are straight from the suburbs. And two, during my ghetto-fabulous past, I use to be a Blood and know nothing about a Crip handshake.

Outside. A guy with an Affliction shirt starts talking to us. Fuck an Affliction shirt. Where da hoes at? Yeah, that line is never going to get old.

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