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5 Lies You Should LET a Man Tell

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5 Lies You Should LET a Man Tell

Posted by Ann on July 14, 2020

There are some things better left unsaid. There are some things that aren’t worth finding out about. Here are 5 of them. (How’s THAT for a setup, huh? Huh?)

1.) I’ll give you a call.

Your first mistake is in thinking that these words refer to anything at all. This is not even really a sentence. Just noises that he’s making.

I know a lot of women get really upset about this. “So now I have to wait around for 2 weeks waiting to see if he’s going to call me?” No. You have to wait around for a couple of days. If he doesn’t call in a couple of days, he doesn’t like you. If he DOES call in 2 weeks, it will be at 3am for sex.

“Well, why did he tell me he was going to call in the first place?” Because nobody likes to end an evening with, “Ok, I’m never going to call. Take it easy.

2.) What? No, of course I don’t find her attractive!

Yes he does. Of course he does. Moreover, he is probably currently thinking about having sex with her. I’m thinking about having sex with her right now, and I’m not even sure who (celebrity/friend of yours/waitress/random person crossing the street) you asked him about. He and I (and every other man on earth) are thinking about ALL of them.

It’s nothing personal. We don’t have control over it. We don’t mean anything by it. But yes, every time an even marginally attractive woman enters our consciousness for more than, say, a nanosecond — we have to run her through the mental sex simulator for a second. It’s the male brain’s way of saying “hello.” But we can’t tell you that. So I wouldn’t bother asking that question if I were you.

Doesn’t mean he’s trying to have sex with people other than you, by the way. It just means that he is currently alive. If you don’t want your man to even fantasize about other women, you’re dating the wrong gender.

3.) I’m a really bad boyfriend.

Holy cow, get out there immediately. This means he doesn’t want to have to admit something he already did, or is planning to do. So he tries to get you to accept the general premise that he’s a lousy boyfriend, and even ARGUE with him about it. That way, when you stick around and he gets arrested for necrophilia, he will be able to act indignant about your reaction. “Hey, I TOLD you I wasn’t a good boyfriend!”

Take him at his word, and dump his ass.

4.) I’m not looking for a relationship right now.

Just accept this answer for the truth and walk away. However, of course it’s not true. Of COURSE he’s looking for a relationship right now. Everybody is looking for a relationship right now. You know who isn’t looking for a relationship right now? Sociopaths. That’s who. Hannibal Lecter isn’t looking for a relationship.

Obviously, this one always means that he’s not looking for YOU, and he’s trying to avoid saying, “Yeah…I don’t really…like you…very much.” Do you really want to hear that?

5.) Yeah, that outfit looks great.

Look, I don’t know if that outfit is great. I have no idea. Neither, likely, does he. When you ask us about clothes, we never know what’s going on. It would be like asking your dog to help fill out your tax return. He will want to help, but for the life of him, he can’t quite figure out what to do about it.

Don’t get mad at him. Just accept that he’s trying (albeit failing) to help. Or at least to not get yelled at.

BUT WHY CAN’T HE JUST GIVE ME HIS OPINION ON MY OUTFIT?

Do you really want to hear him tell you, “My opinion is that I don’t give a crap about this or any other outfit. I can barely see clothes. Look at the way that I dress for christ’s sake.”

===

These are just a few of the many, many lies that we tell you people. Some of them are worth investigating. Stuff like, “No, uh, there are no dead bodies in the house, why do you ask?”

These ones, however, I say just let them slide on by. Unless you just really like shouting.

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